An Indian gay unwinds..

   (The trek through Jakhama was tough but the night stay was absolutely worth it @ Dzukou Valley, Nagaland - circa February 2021) A while ago, one of the NGOs working in LGBT+ space organized a poetry writing contest. The theme of the competition was around sexuality, acceptance & pride. When one of my friends prodded me to send a submission, I was thinking what should I even write? My sexuality is just another facet of my existence. It doesn't define me per-se. However, on deeper contemplation, I realize the privileged position I am/have been in. I wasn't born in the era where being a homosexual was criminalized to an extent that it warranted a capital punishment or incarceration. It still is an offence punishable by death in some cultures and theocratic nations, especially some Middle-eastern & African Islamic countries. Nor I faced the 1980-90s era AIDS epidemic that saw a whole generation of gay men dropping dead & ostracized from society. In India, though decr

  (A dead tree, or as they call it 'snag', slowly rotting away while giving life to an entire wildlife ecosystem around it, found while sauntering around @Hampstead Health Trail, London, UK circa June 2019) I have been postponing an important task that should have been completed last month. It pertains to my ongoing job hunt and logically speaking, it should be on top priority. However, every day I get up, I find some or the other excuse to avoid it. Let me smoke a cigarette first or lemme have a bath now or lemme go to this party or that friend gathering or I'll do with 'fresh mind' after the weekend yada yada yada. All said and done, I have found neither the 'right time' nor the 'best frame of mind' to sit on my laptop and work upon it yet. Coming to think of it, this procrastination has been a repeated pattern throughout my life and ironically writing this blog post is yet another excuse not to start upon it :/ I think it's high time to dissec

  (A picture from Toronto Pride - June 2022) Finally Pride Weekend is here! For most of us queer people here, it is a kind of festival season in Toronto. Though I used to attend the Pride walks in Mumbai as well, the fervor here is absolutely different. People draw their plans way in advance, book the events at least a month or two before (otherwise everything is sold out and one will have stand in lines outside for hours, even then you aren't sure you'll gain entry or not 😅) & pick their outfits for each party & the main pride walk.  All in all, it's the equivalent of Gay Christmas (or Gay Diwali for us desi folks) 😀 That being said, I am celebrating pride very low key this time. Not going to any party, especially the desi ones that I personally love - to drink & dance to heart's content :) But I'll go for the Pride Walk for sure though on Sunday. I remember getting hammered at the last year's RANGEELA (South Asian LGBTQ+ event) during Pride and d

  (The breathtaking view at the start of the spectacular Seven Sisters Cliff Walk at Seaford. It took us 7 hours to finally reach @ Eastbourne, UK - circa June 2019) 2 more job rejections from the companies I was much hopeful about. Within a span of 48 hours. The automated mails from Workday arrived at around 4ish in the morning. That means it is the first thing I see when I get up. And there goes the rest of my day :( Just a few years ago, I was in Mumbai, doing really well in my career. Earning quite a bit of money. Travelling around India & the world. Though that period had its own challenges, I had never faced this sense of worthlessness that I am  experiencing  now.  If I look at the cosmic alignment, the Taurus-Scorpio eclipse season began in November 2021 and the last one will be in the coming October 2023. As an astrology buff, I am well-aware of the effects eclipse season has  especially  if they are  occurring  in one's own sign. They are part of multi-year stories an

(A picture from the Independence Day long weekend 2019 with a couple of close friends @Panchgani, Maharashtra) This weekend went by in a blur. Friday night was the ritualistic drag race viewing party that continued as games night when other people joined in later. By the time it was 3 am, we had abandoned the board games and moved to 'Never have I ever' ( a classic gay game especially when new boys are there). Talking about all the dirty things & drinking wine 😂. My ex-boyfriend was there too. Thankfully we parted ways in a cordial manner and there is nothing but friendly warmth between us. Though honestly, I think I was over him already long before I told him last year end before my trip to India. A tall, hot guy was also there. He is dating one of my crushes from a long time ago (whom I saw randomly last year at a Pride party and couldn't believe it was him). Anyway, thanks to the silly game, I found out that they are in an open relationship & the fact that la

  (The friendship pyramid based on depth of relationship in Arabic) By now you know how much I love words! Especially in Urdu & Hindi (and occasional Persian & Arabic). Saw this post on twitter a long time ago and just fell in love with the subtle nuances of it.  In Arabic, there are 12 levels of friendship. Most of our 'friends' are level 5 or below, and many of us don't have a single level 12 friend.  Here are the levels: 1. Zameel - someone you have a nodding acquaintance with 2. Jalees - someone you’re comfortable sitting with for a period of time 3. Sameer - you have good conversation with them …this is where things get serious 4. Nadeem - a drinking companion (just tea) that you might call when you’re free 5. Sahib - someone who’s concerned for your wellbeing … now we’re in the real ranks of friendship 6. Rafeeq - someone you can depend upon. You’d probably go on holiday with them 7. Sadeeq - a true friend, someone who doesn’t befriend you for an ulter